AWAKENING THE SELF: THE REALITY OF YOUR EGO
In the examples below, I refer to the mother as the primary caregiver. I fully acknowledge that non-birth parents can raise children.
Your ego starts forming around two to three years old when your consciousness evolves, your soul reaches a fork in the road, and you recognise you are separate from your mum.
But first, let’s explore where your soul was before that. When you consider your soul’s journey, it exists in a realm free from fear, judgment, or separation. This realm is pure love, where higher levels of consciousness view the world through neutrality, creativity, and openness to infinite possibilities.
One of those possibilities is for your soul to reside within the dense consciousness of 3D Earth. If you choose this path, you will experience a body with a much slower vibration than you are used to. Like the morphing of water, your vibration will move from being weightless like ‘gas’ through slower levels of vibration like ‘water’ and into the solid vibration like ‘ice’ to reside in a dense human body. Obviously, you are not cold like ice. Still, your existence becomes more tangible and rooted in the physical realm, allowing you to experience life through the unique lens of human consciousness.
YOU, YOUR MUM & HER EGO
Plans are put in place for your mother to conceive you, creating a portal or stream of energy for you to claim your physical body, your five senses and the logical mind to begin your journey in this world.
Interestingly, just because you are in a body, both in utero and as a baby, does not mean you automatically have an ego. The ego forms later when you are a toddler. During your early development, you are so entwined with your mother that you assume you are her and she is you. Essentially, you are ruled by her ego during this period.
As you grow and develop, you form your own sense of self, and your individual ego starts to take shape. This process involves distinguishing yourself from your mother and recognizing your own identity, separate from hers. It’s a gradual journey of self-awareness and individuality. From this point, your ego grapples with the desire to be a unique individual and the need to belong to a group. Being part of a group offers security, comfort, and identity. However, asserting independent behaviour, such as saying “no,” is crucial for exploring personal interests.
This tension between belonging and individuality persists throughout our lives. Healthy ego development involves harmonizing these aspects, allowing you to integrate into social groups while maintaining our unique sense of self. It’s intriguing how polarizing the ego can be. On the one hand, it craves inclusion and fears separation. On the other, it may push people down to gain an advantage. Despite its mixed reputation, the ego has several positive aspects that can enhance personal development and overall well-being.
THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE EGO
The focus of the ego is to:
- Ensure its survival, regardless of suffering.
- Belong, yet be an individual.
This paradox can be a mind-bender. When you consider your childhood, your survival is dependent on your parents. To take this even deeper, your parents do not just rule your childhood, but your parent’s ego rules both of you!
As children, you navigate how to meet our needs for survival, love, approval, and appreciation. Meanwhile, our parents make decisions based on their needs for survival, love, approval, and appreciation, driven by their egos. If the parent has not done the inner work, you can imagine how messy this can get, generation after generation.
With the examples below, I am writing this as if the mother raised the child. I fully acknowledge non-birth parents can raise children.
As a child, your mum will instil in you her programs about what you need to do for survival, love, approval, and appreciation. Due to the ego’s need to belong, in childhood, you will not have boundaries, and you will vulnerably obey. This is when programs of shame and guilt can be created, and the need to get it right so you can measure up to mum’s standards.
For example, she might teach you always to say “please” and “thank you,” instilling positive beliefs about politeness and respect for others. Others will validate her ego: “What a well-mannered child she has”. However, if this is enforced too rigidly, you might develop a limiting belief that your desires are less important than pleasing others, leading to difficulties in asserting yourself or setting boundaries later in life, continuing the pattern of self-abandon to avoid potential conflict.
Your mum will also impart beliefs about behaviours that lead to disconnect, rejection, and disapproval, shaping your limiting and positive beliefs. These ego rules may or may not align with your reality or experience. Yet with your egos need to get your mum’s acceptance, you will give up what is important to you, to avoid the trigger of disappointing her. As a child, you do what you need to do. But as an adult, can you be open and honest with her? Or do you manipulate the situation by giving in to her, allowing your ego to rule the show?
Yes, your egos will define your thoughts and the meaning you put into your experience. But it doesn’t always have to. By becoming aware of your unconscious programs, you can integrate the ego rather than being ruled by it.