HOW TO GAIN MASTERY IN YOUR COMMUNICATION WITH OTHERS
Unlock the Secrets to Master Your Communication with yourself, clients, students and colleagues using the NLP Representational System
Copyright
From Conflict to Harmony
Mastering Your Communication using NLP Representational System
Created by David Donahoo
Edited by David Donahoo
Published by Be Your Purpose Coaching and Training
Belgrave, Victoria, Australia
Copyright © 2024 Be Your Purpose Coaching and Training.
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher except as permitted by Australian copyright law.
Cover by David Donahoo
Table Of Contents
Introduction
Bill and Mary, a couple I coached, frequently had disagreements. They expressed how they felt about the other person’s communication. Mary would tell Bill how much she loved him. Bill never responded in the same positive, loving way. When I asked Bill, “Why didn’t he tell Mary he loved her?” he said he did. What Bill failed to say next was that he showed his love in ways other than by expressing his feelings.
Their disagreements were due to their different communication styles. Mary was very feeling-oriented, while Bill was very analytical and did not express their emotions.
They knew they had a problem and wanted me, a trained NLP Master Practitioner, to assist them in working out the problem. They had been to counselling, and their suggestions made no difference. They were to listen to each other and repeat what they heard. This didn’t make sense for Bill, and he found it complex and confusing to talk about feelings.
Bill heard from a marketing seminar about using NLP Representational Systems to communicate. He wasn’t sure what this was but wondered if it would help his relationship.
In your session, I explained what the counsellor told them would work for some people who thought and communicated similarly. Since Bill and Mary communicated so differently, the counselling technique was ineffective.
I explained the NLP Representational System of Communication to them. They understood their differences and the reasons for their struggle.
This book is for you to learn about the NLP Representational System.
Do you have communication issues with:
- your partner,
- business colleagues,
- clients,
- friends, or
- family?
This book provides ways to improve your communication to be understood and to understand the other person.
Stories are powerful in building understanding. This book contains several stories that combine different events, situations, and experiences. The names of those involved have been changed for privacy purposes.
This book is in 5 sections:
- The first section explores how you communicate with yourself and others. It introduces the NLP representational system to understand why our communication may be harmonious or in conflict.
- The second section goes into depth about the NLP Representational Systems and how they link with your communication with yourself and others.
- The third section uncovers your communication styles. It examines ways to work out your NLP Representational Systems and how to identify other people’s systems.
- The fourth section explores how to improve communication using NLP Representational Systems. It provides techniques for changing misunderstandings into understanding.
- The fifth section explains and provides ideas to transform your interactions and enhance your communication with others through the NLP Representational Systems. We look at how you can improve your training, coaching and relationship overall.
How to get the most out of this book
To get the most out of this book, read sections 1 to 3 to understand how NLP representational systems connect with communication.
Section three provides methods to determine the NLP representational system you and others use. Once you find your representational system, go back to section 2. This will help you better understand what your representational system means.
Sections four and four give you ideas and activities to improve your communication. As you apply what you learn, you can improve skills and knowledge when communicating with others.
Section 1 – NLP Representational system: The way you Communicate
Chapter 1 – How do you communicate?
When was the last time you thought about how you communicate your experiences to your family and friends?
When I ask, “How do you communicate?” Most people look at me blankly. “What do you mean?” they ask. This is not an everyday activity, even when the communication results in disagreement. If you want to improve your communication, I would like you to begin asking yourself this question.
When you have had times where you did not understand the other person, what did you do? Did you analyse what was happening when speaking with them? Did you wonder how they could think that way? Did you feel defeated and accept that you do not understand each other?
As you read this book, ask yourself and others the questions. It is a valuable way to improve your communication.
I have learned that I can change my style to match rather than mismatch the other person. This lets us understand each other. This takes patience and practice. In this book, you will learn how to do this.
What is the NLP Representational Systems of Communication
When you speak, you broadcast your ideas, thoughts, and information using a combination of representational systems.
The Representational Systems in NLP refer to ways we internally represent our experiences. We use Visual (what we see), Auditory (what we hear), Kinesthetic (what we touch/feel), Olfactory (what we smell), Gustatory (what we taste), and Auditory Digitally (what we discuss with ourselves).
The representational systems explain why two people observing the same event will communicate different stories.
Some people are more ‘visual,’ preferring to use images or spatial awareness in thinking and expressing ideas. Others are more ‘auditory,’ using sounds or words to understand the world. The ‘Kinesthetic’ people use internal feelings and external sensations, such as touch.
About 20% of people use the ‘auditory digital’ system, which most people have never heard of. It involves criteria, internal dialogue, analysis, and self-talk.
Together, these preferences, which you may not even be aware of consciously, impact how you think, learn, communicate, and behave.
What you communicate is your perception of reality. It is not what happened in the event.
Not understanding your representational systems can result in ineffective communication. Understanding your dominant representational systems and those of others enables you to change your communication style to build stronger relationships and ensure better understanding and agreement with those you speak with.
As you read this book, you’ll dive deeper into these concepts, unravelling the mystery of how your mind represents information and how you can harness the power of your representational systems to transform your communication skills.
Chapter 2 – Opening up to the NLP Representational Systems
As you explore the NLP Representational Systems and how they affect your communication, you bring to your awareness what you think and say to yourself when conversing.
When you observe an event, you filter the details of the events down so you can hold the experience. In doing this, you create an internal representation of the event. Then, as you communicate your internal representation of your experiences, you use four representational systems: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital.
Let’s explore each of these in a bit more detail.
The ‘Visual’ representational system is used when you think in pictures, images and colour. If you are predominantly visual, seeing is believing. You prefer charts, diagrams, or any form of visual aids to comprehend information. You tend to speak faster, as the images in your mind often move quickly.
The ‘Auditory’ system is used when you are listening. You are often good at remembering what you hear and can detect subtle changes in the tone and pitch of a voice. You prefer verbal instructions. You can excel in language-based tasks.
The ‘Kinesthetic’ system is all about feelings and physical sensations. Kinesthetic learners need physical experiences to understand them fully. You might need to write something down, move around, or use your hands. You often speak slower, matching the pace of your physical experiences.
The ‘Auditory Digital system is about internal dialogue and talking to oneself. People who predominantly use this system spend a lot of time in their heads talking themselves through situations. They analyse details against criteria to make sense of what they are observing. It’s not about the sounds they hear externally. It is about their internal voice.
These Four Pillars of Communication
Imagine a stool with four legs. No one leg dominates the stool if they are all the same length.
If one or two legs are longer than the others, what happens? They influence how you would sit on the stool and balance.
The four representational systems are the pillars of communication: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital. They dictate how balanced you are in communicating with yourself and others. However, just like the stool with different leg lengths, you can have an imbalanced combination of these four pillars when communicating.
Understanding the four pillars of the representational systems is like having a key to unlock deeper layers of your thought processes and those of the person you are communicating with. Recognising your preferred system and those around you allows us to tailor your communication for better understanding and connection.
Being unaware of your preferred system and those of others around you can lead to conflict, misunderstanding, and disagreement. We will explore this more later in this book.
As we progress through the book, you’ll delve even deeper to gain an understanding of how to use these pillars as tools and techniques to identify and utilise in your personal and professional life.
Chapter 3 – Your habitual communication style
When you fold your arms, you do it the same way every time without thinking. You do it that way because it is a habit. All your habits are unconscious. You do them the same every time.
Your communication style is also a habit. You do the same every time you talk or write. These are unconscious patterns built up during your childhood and teenage years. Once you have them, they only change when you consciously do so.
How you communicate as an adult is unconscious and habitual.
If you’re a predominantly visual thinker, you might visualise different outcomes before deciding which to choose.
If you lean towards the auditory system, you might play conversations or verbal instructions inside your head to decide.
Kinesthetic thinkers may rely on gut feelings to determine what to do.
While Auditory Digitals might analyse scenarios logically in their minds before analysing what to action.
By understanding your dominant representational system, you can begin recognising which thought patterns influence your daily life. These patterns are your four pillars: shaping your perspective, influencing your learning style, impacting your communication, and affecting your relationships.
You can bring your unconscious communication habit to your conscious awareness. This allows you to identify and alter your four pillars and improve communication.
Chapter 4 – Crossroads of Misunderstanding: Real-Life Scenario
How do the NLP Representational systems create misunderstanding? Misunderstandings occur when different representational systems collide.
For instance, a visual person might not fully grasp what a Kinesthetic person wants them to do since they make it about their feelings. This leads to confusion or miscommunication.
Remember the story I told at the start of the book? As I listened to the wife, I could tell Mary was very kinesthetic in expressing her love with feeling words and loving touch. Bill, on the other hand, was predominately an auditory digital person. He analysed the relationship with his wife. Since kinesthetic was low on the list of his four pillars of communication, he could not make sense of what Mary said and did. Bill tried to solve a problem as he saw it. The only problem was that there was not a problem to solve. He needed to learn about the four pillars to adjust the representational systems he applied to his communication.
The miscommunication arose because Bill could not work out any measurable criteria to analyse and develop a solution for what it meant to be more caring. Mary did not paint a picture for him or explain her feelings because Bill should have known what she was saying. Bill did not understand as he did not connect with his feelings.
Coming up, you’ll learn to recognise which of the four pillars a person uses and whether they are balanced or one pillar is more predominant. Knowing this provides an eye-opening moment when you move from miscommunication to understanding.
Chapter 5 – Nailing the Art of Communication
Applying the four pillars of NLP representational systems is both an art and a science. Section 3 discusses several methods for determining which representational system is being used.
Swapping between the different pillars effectively is an art. You can learn which one to choose depending on who you are communicating with and what you want to communicate. This is like an artist who intuitively knows which next colour to choose as they move towards their goal of completing a masterpiece.
When you apply the art of communication, your connection becomes more assertive, friendly, and empowering.
Successful communication often lies in understanding and adapting to different representational systems. Bill and Mary learned to be aware of their own representational system and what the other person was applying. They learned to effectively utilise this understanding to swap between the different representational systems. They enhanced their communication and achieved their desired connection with each other.
I am highly auditory, digital, and visual. I enjoy working out how things fit with the criteria and then creating pictures to see how it works. My kinesthetic and auditory sides are not as strong. Yet, I have taught myself to be kinesthetic, express feelings, listen, and be more auditory.
As a trainer, I wanted to demonstrate how to use and move between the NLP Representational systems. In one class, I had a very kinesthetic student, Carol, who was feeling anxious about learning NLP and spoke a lot about her feelings. But Carol was not very visual. No matter what visual examples I gave, she did not understand the concepts I was teaching.
Knowing how to use the Representational Systems, I responded instead to her in feeling language. We talked about Carol’s anxiety and how it felt in her body. This built a connection where she felt I understood her.
I then deliberately had Carol start to feel safe as she imagined a picture of herself succeeding and hearing positive and encouraging words being successful in learning NLP. This took Carol out of her kinesthetic feelings and made her focus on other pillars of communication. Carol was able to stop holding onto the anxiety and started to enjoy the class.
Claire, a coach, was talking to her client. They wanted to know the steps required to get more clients. They were Auditory Digital. Claire used visual language to paint a picture, and the person became excited about growing their client base. But they still did not know the steps. Claire asked Auditory Digital questions to the client to make them aware of what they already knew and did not know. Through the questioning, the client began to “make sense” of the steps to take, a typical phrase used by Auditory Digital people. By linking with their representational systems, Claire was able to help her client.
Section 2 – Demystifying the NLP Representational Systems: An Exploration
Chapter 6 – Four NLP Representational Systems and Five Senses
Why are there only four NLP Representational Systems when we have five senses?
We have five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. A sense is a biological system used for sensation, gathering information about the surroundings through detecting the physical stimuli. The senses help us experience the world.
In NLP, representational systems refer to how people perceive and process information from the world around them. These are considered more mental and cognitive processes than purely biological systems.
When exploring NLP Representational systems, we examine their psychological and cognitive aspects of thinking, recalling, and communicating.
You can match the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic representational systems with the senses of sight, hearing, and touch. However, this leaves out two senses and one representational system.
Taste and smell are crucial senses. They provide essential information about our environment and are a significant part of our senses that collect information about what is happening outside us. Those with sight, hearing, and touch also inform us about our external experiences.
When it comes to how you represent the external experience in your internal representation, your mind deletes, distorts, and generalises the information from the senses. Your mind then combines what is left as your imagined internal experience.
What you see with your eyes becomes what you internally see. The sounds around you are the auditory system. What you feel internally and with touch, combined with taste and smell, is the kinesthetic system.
The fourth unique NLP representational system, Auditory Digital, does not correlate directly with any sensory input. Instead, it relates to the ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self-talk’ we engage in. This is the language-based processing of information, the internal discussions we hold with ourselves, our logical reasoning, and self-questioning.
The inclusion of Auditory Digital as a representational system in NLP reflects our innate human capacity for abstract thought, conceptualisation, and logical reasoning. Our ability to use language for cognition goes beyond the pure sensory experience, allowing us to construct complex ideas, plan, and make decisions.
By distinguishing Auditory Digital from the other systems, NLP acknowledges that we do more than react to sensory input. We interpret, categorise, analyse, and make judgements, making the Auditory Digital system a vital component of our human cognitive repertoire.
NLP identifies four representational systems, not because it disregards certain senses but because it aims to categorise the most dominant cognitive processes humans employ for understanding and navigating our world. We acknowledge our sensory experiences. Yet, when we communicate, we do it from a psychological and cognitive perspective, not a sensory aspect. This is what creates agreement and understanding or confusion and misunderstanding.
Chapter 7 – Visualizing Success: The Power of Sight
Let’s explore the first of the four NLP representational systems – the Visual system.
As you can guess, the visual system is about how we see and visualise things. It’s connected to sight, imagery, and how we construct and interpret visual information. This system plays a crucial role in processing the world around us, our thoughts, our decisions, and even our communications.
People who predominantly use the visual system, often called ‘visuals,’ have specific characteristics. They tend to think in pictures and images. When recalling experiences, they ‘see’ the memory, like a movie playing in their mind. They can have a good sense of direction as they often create mental maps of their surroundings.
Visuals usually speak quickly, and their words paint vivid pictures. They use phrases like “I see what you mean,” “Let’s look at the big picture,” or “I can’t quite picture it.” Such language clues can help you identify someone with a solid visual representational system.
When communicating with visuals, it’s beneficial to use visual language, diagrams, graphs, charts, and other visual aids. These tools will help you to connect more effectively with them and ensure your message is clear.
It’s also important to remember that visuals appreciate aesthetics and neatness. A cluttered room or a disorganised presentation can distract them. So, presenting information in a visually pleasing and organised manner can significantly enhance their learning experience.
However, the visual representational system is not just for communicating with others. It’s also a powerful tool for self-understanding and personal development. Recognising that you might lean towards a visual system can help you develop strategies for learning, decision-making, problem-solving, and stress management that align with your natural inclinations.
For instance, if you’re a visual learner, you may find that mind maps, flow charts, or diagrams are handy for processing complex information. Similarly, if you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, visualising a calming scene might help you regain your composure more effectively than other strategies.
Another powerful application of the visual system is goal setting and motivation. Visualising your goals, creating a vision board or wall, or regularly picturing your success can be powerful motivators and align you with your objectives.
The Visual system is a rich, vibrant, and profoundly influential representational system. Understanding it, whether it’s your dominant system or not, can significantly enhance your ability to communicate, learn, and motivate yourself and others.
In our upcoming lessons, we’ll explore the other representational systems: Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital. Each one has a unique influence on cognition and communication.
This chapter has given you a new perspective on the power of sight and the visual system in cognition and communication.
Chapter 8 – The Symphony of Life: Understanding your Auditory system
As you read this chapter, imagine music playing in the background.
We will delve into the fascinating world of sounds and how they bring the Symphony of Life to your communication. As we understand the auditory system, we notice the sounds that come to mind.
The Auditory system relates to how we process sounds, tones, and rhythms. This system helps us interpret auditory information, including speech, music, noise, and even silence.
People who predominantly use the auditory system, often called ‘auditories,’ have their unique way of interpreting the world. They tend to think in sounds, rhythms, and speech. They recall words and sentences, voices, sounds, and conversations effortlessly. They have a knack for detecting nuances in tone and pitch.
Auditories are usually good listeners. They’re drawn to verbal explanations and discussions and express themselves well through speech. They often use phrases like ‘That sounds right to me,’ ‘I hear what you’re saying,’ or ‘Let’s talk it over,’ indicating their preference for auditory communication.
If you’re communicating with an auditory person, remember that your tone, pitch, and the rhythm of your speech could be as important, if not more, than the words you’re saying. They can easily pick up on nuances in your voice, which may affect how your message is received.
A cluttered sound environment can be as distracting to an auditory person as a visually messy room is to a visual person. So, ensure a conducive auditory environment for effective communication.
A monotone voice can be distracting for them, as it is flat, lacks vibration, and doesn’t change. Auditories need a variety of changing pitches, tones, and volume of sound to remain engaged.
A highly auditory student I once taught had to leave the classroom if it got too loud, as they could not ‘hear themselves think.’
Understanding that you might have a strong auditory system can be a game-changer for your personal development. If you’re an auditory person, you might learn best when information is presented verbally, such as through lectures, discussions, or audiobooks.
Listening to music while you are learning can enhance the experience, especially if it has a binaural beat.
This is a complete area of study that is outside the scope of this eBook. If you are interested in sound, I suggest you explore the topics more.
Using auditory strategies can help in problem-solving and stress management. For instance, talking through a problem with someone, listening to calming sounds or music, or even verbal affirmations can be effective.
The Auditory system is also a powerful ally in motivation and goal setting. Regularly verbalising your goals, listening to motivational talks, or using auditory cues as reminders can prove quite effective.
The auditory representational system, like the visual, is a significant facet of human cognition and communication. Whether it’s your dominant system or not, understanding it can mean you can use it to improve your learning, decision-making, communication, and interpersonal relationships.
We hope this exploration of the Auditory system resonates with you and helps you appreciate the symphony of life more deeply.
Chapter 9 – Feeling Your Way to Success: Embracing the Kinesthetic Approach
The Kinesthetic system is all about internal feelings and external doings. It’s connected to our sense of touch, physical sensations, and emotions. This system impacts how we interpret tactile experiences, movements, and emotional states.
People who predominantly use the Kinesthetic system, often called ‘kinesthetics,’ typically have specific characteristics. They think in terms of physical sensations, actions, and emotions. When recalling an experience, they remember how it felt, the physical activities involved, and the emotions they experienced.
Kinesthetics often use phrases like ‘I can’t grasp it,’ ‘That feels right to me,’ or ‘I need to get a handle on this.’ Such language can provide clues to someone having a solid kinesthetic representational system.
When communicating with kinesthetics, remember that they value the ‘feeling’ part of any interaction. Your body language, expressions, and tone are crucial in conveying your message. A calm, steady tone and congruent body language can significantly enhance communication.
Kinesthetics learn best by doing. They prefer hands-on activities, practical exercises, and real-life examples. They can also be highly emotional and require a safe and comfortable environment to express their thoughts and feelings effectively.
However, the downside of their kinesthetics is that their emotions may stop them from acting. If they are not feeling good or have a bad feeling about what you want them to do, they will hold firm and not act.
Help them feel happy, satisfied and safe so they can take action.
Self-understanding and personal development are greatly enhanced when you recognise your preference for the Kinesthetic system. If you’re a kinesthetic learner, you may benefit from doing physical activities and practical exercises and having positive emotional connections to the learning material.
Kinesthetics might find physical movement activities, such as sports, dancing, or gardening, effective in stress management. Similarly, emotional expression through journaling or talking with a friend can also help manage stress.
In goal setting and motivation, kinesthetics often benefit from physically doing something that connects them to their goals. This could be as simple as writing down the goal, creating a physical representation of it, or engaging in an activity that symbolises and creates a feeling of achievement of the goal.
I hope this exploration of the Kinesthetic system has helped you understand the power of ‘feeling’ and ‘doing’ in our cognitive processes and communication.
Chapter 10 – The Subtle Navigator: our Auditory Digital System
This chapter is deliberately called “The Subtle Navigator.” You have been introduced to the Auditory Digital representational system, which is often overlooked in learning and communication.
Why do we say this is the overlooked representational system? In non-NLP developed training, the learning systems refer to VAF or VARK: Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic, with the R being Read / Write. These learning systems never mentioned the Auditory Digital system’s role in your cognition, communication, or learning. Yet about 20% of the population have it as high or dominant as a communication style.
If you felt your learning style was missing something, it is possible they left out Auditory Digital in their teaching style.
The Auditory Digital system is unique among the NLP Representational Systems. While the other systems—visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic—relate to our primary senses, the Auditory Digital system reflects our internal dialogues and cognitive processes.
People who are predominantly Auditory Digital, or ‘AD,’ are often analytical, logical, and detail-oriented. They think in words and concepts rather than images, sounds, or feelings. They’re often self-talkers and appreciate well-structured, rational explanations.
Those who use the Auditory Digital system frequently may say things like ‘I think…’ or ‘Let me process this…’ or ‘It makes sense…’ These phrases indicate an inner dialogue and a preference for processing information internally and logically.
When communicating with AD individuals, logic and clarity are paramount. They value clear information, criteria, logical arguments, and detailed explanations. They make lists of the criteria for their goals and plans. They analyse and reflect on the criteria and might take time to process and think about the information before making decisions.
If you identify strongly with the Auditory Digital system, you may learn best through reading, writing, and studying structured materials. You may prefer to work independently, think through problems, and articulate your thoughts and ideas.
AD individuals might find intellectual pursuits, problem-solving activities, or thought-provoking discussions helpful in managing stress. Setting clear, logical goals and creating detailed plans are often effective motivational and goal-achievement strategies.
We have now explored all four NLP Representational Systems: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital. Each system offers unique insights into our cognitive processes and ways of interpreting and interacting with the world.
Thank you for your keen attention as we navigated the fascinating world of the Auditory Digital system. We hope this lesson has broadened your understanding of your thought processes and how they impact your communication.
Section 3 – Uncovering Communication Styles: Find Out Your NLP Representational Systems
Chapter 11 – Navigating the Maze of what are your NLP Representational Systems
We’ve spent time dissecting the four NLP Representational Systems: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital. Before you can put this knowledge into practice, you need to identify our own dominant Representational Systems and recognize it in others.
The first step towards understanding which NLP Representational Systems is used in our communication is to listen to the language.
People often, unknowingly, reveal their dominant representational systems through the words and phrases they use.
Think about this. Have you ever met someone who seems to use phrases like ‘I see what you mean,’ ‘I get the picture,’ or ‘Let’s focus on the matter at hand?’ These phrases suggest a preference for the Visual system.
On the other hand, someone who says, ‘That rings a bell,’ ‘That sounds right to me,’ or ‘I hear you loud and clear,’ is leaning towards the Auditory system.
Those who favour the Kinesthetic system use phrases like ‘I grasp the idea,’ ‘That feels right,’ or ‘I can’t get a grip on this,’ meanwhile, ‘It makes sense to me,’ ‘I understand the concept,’ or ‘Let me think it through,’ indicate a preference for the Auditory Digital system.
Listening carefully to people’s language patterns can give us valuable insights into their dominant NLP Representational Systems. However, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Another key to unlocking the NLP Representational Systems is observing non-verbal cues such as head and eye movements. For instance, a person primarily using the Visual system might move their eyes upward when thinking. In contrast, an Auditory person might move their eyes from side to side, and a Kinesthetic or Auditory Digital person might look down.
The head may also move up, sideways, or down. To deepen your understanding of what can be asked to determine your dominant NLP Representational Systems accurately, we’ll introduce a detailed questionnaire in a later lesson. This tool will thoroughly summarise the NLP representational systems you and others used in their communication patterns.
Identifying your own and others’ NLP Representational Systems is a game changer. This skill can enhance your interpersonal communication, understanding of yourself and others, and ability to influence or motivate.
Chapter 12 – Word Patterns: Verbal Indicators of NLP Representational Systems
Another way to determine a person’s NLP Representational Systems is to focus on the words they use.
Words are more than just tools for expressing thoughts or ideas. They are a window into our minds, worldviews, and thought processes. In the world of NLP, words are clues that can help us identify a person’s dominant representational system.
To find out about your dominant representational system, you can record yourself talking about something that interests you. When you choose a topic, find one that is familiar and not something you must think about. Speak for about 1-2 minutes to provide enough time to communicate your ideas on the topic.
Replay what you recorded and listen to the words and phrases you used.
Let’s start with the Visual system to determine your dominant representational systems.
As the person visualises what they want to communicate, they will use visual words. Depending on how high their level of visualisation is, this will influence the type, number, and details of the visual words and phrases they will use.
Visual people often use language related to sight. They will use words such as appear, see, imagine, and picture. They may also use phrases such as see my point of view, get a clear picture, or find the outlook foggy.
Their language is peppered with visual metaphors, pointing towards their visual perception of the world.
|
Visual |
|||
|
Get an eyeful |
Looks like |
Naked eye |
Staring off into space |
|
Get perspective of |
Make a scene |
Paint a picture |
Take a peek |
|
Hazy idea |
Make it out |
Scope it out |
Tunnel vision |
|
In light of |
Mental image |
See to it |
Under your nose |
|
In-person |
Mental picture |
Showing off |
Upfront |
|
In view of |
Mind’s eye |
Sight for sore eyes |
And then we have the Auditory people. The words they use are auditory. We have already used many throughout the eBook to connect with the auditories.
They might use words like here, listen, and resonate. They may also use phrases such as tune into a good idea, hear what you have to say, or ‘be all ears.’ They resonate with the rhythm and tone of words, and their language often reflects this auditory bias.
|
Auditory |
|||
|
Give me your ear |
Inquire into |
Purrs like a kitten |
Utterly |
|
Grant an audience |
Keynote speaker |
Rings a bell |
Voiced an opinion |
|
Heard voices |
Loud and Clear |
State your purpose |
Well informed |
|
Hidden message |
Manner of speaking |
To tell the truth |
Within hearing |
|
Hold your tongue |
Pay attention |
Tongue-tied |
Word for word |
|
Idle talk |
Power of speech |
Unheard of |
Kinesthetic individuals have a language filled with texture, sensations, and feelings.
They might use words like feel, grasp, rough, raw, and hard. They may also use phrases like grasp an idea, feel their way through problems, or need concrete evidence. Their language is often more tangible, expressing the physical sensations and feelings they experience.
|
Kinaesthetic |
|||
|
Get a handle on |
Hang in there |
Know-how |
Smooth operator |
|
Get a load of this |
Heated argument |
Lay your cards out |
Start from scratch |
|
Get hold of |
Hold it! |
Pain in the neck |
Stiff upper lip |
|
Get in touch with |
Hold on! |
Pull some strings |
Too much of a hassle |
|
Get the drift of |
Hot head |
Sharp as a tack |
Underhanded |
|
Hand in hand |
Keep your shirt on |
Slipped my mind |
Lastly, we have the Auditory Digital individuals. These people tend to use very cognitive language. They might use words like change, experience, process, think. They may use phrases like thinking through an idea, process information, or make sense of a situation. They may explain in detail all the ingredients, criteria or dates and times that events occurred. Their language often revolves around understanding, logic, criteria, and internal dialogue.
|
Auditory Digital |
|||
|
Deem it correct |
Get to know them |
Know the details |
Perceive the truth |
|
Discern the answer |
Give me your opinion |
Know what it’s about |
Practice till perfect |
|
Distinctly differently |
I sense I know |
Know what’s wrong |
Process this |
|
Experience the best |
I suppose I can |
Learn about yourself |
Sensitive subject |
|
Gain knowledge of |
I think you’re right |
Learn what to do |
Calculate the odds |
|
Get them motivated |
I understand |
Make your mind up |
It’s important to note that people don’t exclusively use one type of language, and we all use phrases from each representational system. However, under normal conditions, individuals tend to favour and use more phrases related to their one or two dominant NLP Representational Systems.
Some people have a balance between the four representational systems. They will use them all, but no one in a detailed way. For example, if you ask how I feel, I respond,” I am feeling fantastic, and my day is looking good. It sounds like you may be feeling something different to me”.
To find out the dominant representational system of another person, you can listen to what they say and respond to them in similar words. This will allow you to hear their words and phrases. Alternatively, if you find it hard to listen and think simultaneously, which can be difficult for visual and kinesthetic people, record a conversation with the person.
Replay what you recorded and listen to words and the phrases they used.
Awareness of these linguistic indicators is the first step to changing how you use your representational systems to enhance your communication and relationship-building abilities significantly. By identifying a person’s dominant NLP Representational Systems, you can tailor your language to match theirs, creating a sense of rapport and understanding.
Moreover, understanding these word patterns helps in personal growth. Recognising your dominant NLP Representational Systems can aid in introspection, self-understanding, and personal development.
Word patterns are fascinating, aren’t they? It’s intriguing how our language can reveal so much about our mental processes. But remember, identifying NLP Representational Systems is not just about listening – it’s about understanding the person behind the words.
Chapter 13 – Discovering Your NLP Representational Systems – Questionnaire
To get to understand what your communication map is use the NLP Representational Systems questionnaire.
First, watch the video on how to complete the NLP Representational Systems questionnaire.
Next, complete the questionnaire. Open the questionnaire as a PDF and print it.
NLP Representational system questionnaire.
Complete the questionnaire to learn how to use the four pillars of the NLP Representational systems.
Section 4 – Speak Their Language: Using NLP Representational Systems in Communication
Chapter 14 – NLP Representational Systems: The Cornerstone of Effective Communication
We’ve explored the various NLP Representational Systems and how to identify them in ourselves and others. Now, we venture into the heart of communication, discovering how these Representational Systems influence our interactions and how to use this knowledge to communicate more effectively.
Communication isn’t just about talking or conveying information; it’s about connecting, understanding, and building relationships. NLP Representational Systems provide a fantastic way to decode the world of giving and receiving information. By understanding another person’s preferred system, you can speak their language, ensuring your message is heard as intended.
For instance, when interacting with someone with a solid Visual representational system, they prefer to see what you’re saying. They will likely appreciate clear, vivid descriptions, graphical presentations, and body language. Your communication using visual language, metaphors, and analogies will be more effective.
Differently, people with a strong Auditory representational system relate better to the spoken word. They listen to what you’re saying. They’ll appreciate a well-structured verbal explanation, and changes in tone, rhythm, and volume, and might like to discuss or debate to clarify points. They prefer words that evoke sounds or dialogue when communicating with them.
People with a strong Kinesthetic representational system need to feel the reality of your message. They might appreciate physical demonstrations, hands-on experience, or a chance to ‘try before they buy.’ They might respond better to a slow-paced, personal approach that allows them to connect with their feelings and know that you share them.
Lastly, those with an Auditory Digital Representational System prefer logic and facts. They need to know that the message makes sense. They might appreciate statistics, factual data, and a logical structure. When communicating with them, ensure your arguments are well-structured and the information is factual and detailed.
It’s important to remember that we all use all Representational Systems, but we often have one or two that are preferred. To be an effective communicator, you need to be versatile and adapt to using the representational systems of your communication partner. The beauty of mastering this is the better and more profound connection you can have with a wide range of people.
Developing any skill takes practice. It requires patience, observation, and the willingness to adapt your communication style to ‘speak their language.’ However, the rewards of improved relationships, reduced misunderstandings, and effective persuasion are well worth the effort.
Chapter 15 – Synergy in Understanding: How Best Friends Communicate
You probably have that one friend or family member with whom communication seems effortless. You’re on the same wavelength, understanding each other without even having to complete your sentences. What’s the secret behind this magical connection? Quite likely, it’s because you share similar NLP representational systems. You could both be quite visual, or you both speak kinaesthetically.
When two individuals share a dominant NLP Representational System, communication flows naturally. It’s like speaking the same language, reading from the same script. Your messages resonate, and you connect on a deeper level, resulting in that ‘best friends’ connection we often crave.
Take, for instance, two friends with a strong Visual Representational System. They naturally ‘paint pictures’ for each other during conversations. When one friend describes a beautiful sunset they saw, the other can ‘see’ it in their mind’s eye, experiencing the same emotions and appreciation. Imagine you are sharing the experience with your friend.
Similarly, two people with a dominant Auditory system can engage in stimulating conversations that last for hours. They enjoy the spoken word, the exchange of ideas and stories, the rhythm and tonality of each other’s voices. They can ‘hear’ each other’s thoughts and feelings, creating a vibrant communication experience.
For two individuals with a dominant Kinesthetic system, communication is more about the ‘feel’ of the situation. They connect through shared activities, touch, and emotional exchange. It is like the empathic person being able to know your feelings and that of your friend.
They don’t just ‘hear’ or ‘see’ each other’s messages; they ‘feel’ them, allowing for deep and intimate connections.
Finally, those sharing a dominant Auditory Digital system enjoy intellectual and factual conversations. They want logical arguments, covering the criteria, using data, and problem-solving. They understand each other’s need for detail and logic, creating an environment of mutual respect and it just to make sense.
But what does this mean for you? As you identify your dominant Representational Systems and learn to recognise it in others, you’ll realise why you connect naturally sometimes. However, the real power lies in applying this knowledge to develop connections with others who might not share your dominant system.
Learning to ‘speak the language’ of other representational systems broadens your communication horizons. It enables you to connect with many people, enhancing your personal or professional relationships. It’s like learning a new language, and each system opens a new world of understanding.
I want to leave you with a challenge: think about communicating with your ‘best friend’. Can you identify what NLP Representational Systems you share?
Chapter 16 – From Clash to Harmony: Using the NLP Representational Systems
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where, no matter how hard you try, you couldn’t get your point across? Or perhaps you’ve encountered people with whom communication feels like walking on eggshells? The root cause of these challenges often lies in the clash of different NLP representational systems.
Imagine a situation where a highly visual person is trying to communicate with someone who is primarily kinesthetic. The visual person paints a picture with their words, while the kinesthetic individual tries to ‘feel’ the message. The difference in communication styles can create misunderstanding and frustration.
But there’s good news! You can transform clashes into harmony by recognising and understanding these differences. We can improve communication and foster better understanding by respecting and adapting to the other person’s dominant Representational Systems.
If you are a visual person, when you try to connect with someone who is predominantly auditory, focus more on using verbal words and phrases to describe the experience instead of visual cues. Use expressive language, incorporate more details, listen to the sound of their words, and be patient as they take time to process your words.
If you’re an auditory person communicating with someone kinesthetic, you may need to pay more attention to the feelings and emotions in your conversation. This might mean consciously being more expressive with how you feel, how you use your body language, and how you gesture. This can lead to your discussions, which include emotional and tactile components.
Those with a dominant auditory digital system might face challenges when dealing with people who are more kinesthetic or visual. Here, it’s crucial to remember to include more than just facts and data in your conversations.
For a visual person, use vivid imagery. For the kinesthetic person, express emotions and feelings about the experiences. This conscious use of your language creates a more harmonious connection.
The key lies in observing, listening, and adjusting your communication style to match that of the person you’re communicating with. This flexibility is the heart of effective communication. It shows respect for the other person’s preferred communication style, leading to better understanding and fewer conflicts.
To understand this better, let’s take an example: Imagine you’re a team leader explaining a new project to your team. You have a dominant visual representational system, so you naturally use a lot of imagery in your explanation. However, some of your team members are dominantly kinesthetic. They may not fully grasp your vision because they ‘feel’ rather than ‘see’. So, how do you bridge this gap?
The kinesthetic person wants to know how you feel about the project. Then they will know how they are to feel. Use feeling words, and really mean it, on how you feel and why you feel this is important to do for you and the whole team.
You might consider incorporating physical components into your explanation, like a hands-on demonstration or even a team-building activity related to the project. This way, your kinesthetic team members can ‘feel’ what you’re explaining, leading to a more inclusive and practical communication experience.
Understanding and navigating the NLP representational systems can indeed be a game-changer. It can take communication from being a source of conflict to a tool for building strong and harmonious relationships. Remember, the beauty of communication lies in its diversity. Embrace it, and you’ll unlock a whole new level of connection and understanding.
We encourage you to consider the conflicts you’ve encountered in your communication. Can you trace them back to clashes of NLP representational systems? Our next chapter will explore strategies to adapt to different systems for more effective communication. Until then, happy communicating!
Chapter 17 – Bridging the Gap: Overcoming Misunderstandings
Understanding is the foundation of any meaningful communication. Yet, we often struggle with it when engaging people’s different representational systems. When we don’t understand each other, it creates a gap—a disconnect—that can lead to miscommunication, questioning of yourself and the other person, and conflict.
But remember, every gap can be bridged; every misunderstanding can be resolved. The key to bridging this communication gap lies in understanding and adapting your representational systems to different NLP representational systems. It’s about learning to speak ‘their’ language.
Consider this scenario: You are a person who primarily uses visual representational systems. You’re trying to communicate an idea to a primarily auditory friend. You use visual language, and your friend listens for auditory cues. Naturally, this mismatch could lead to a misunderstanding.
But if you recognise this difference and consciously adapt your language to use more auditory phrases—like ‘that sounds good to me’ or ‘I hear what you’re saying’—you bridge the gap and enhance understanding. As you use a variety of inflection, timbre, tone, and volume in your communication, you create a connection. It’s all about learning to match their representational system.
Consider a more complex scenario: You are a kinesthetic person trying to communicate with someone who is primarily auditory and digital. This often brings conflict because the two systems are so very different. You tend to express your thoughts in terms of feelings and touch while they rely on logical analysis, listing criteria, and internal dialogues. The communication gap here can be quite significant.
However, even this gap can be bridged. Instead of just describing how something ‘feels,’ try translating that into logical, analytical terms. Explain the ‘why’ behind your feelings. Help them understand your point of view through their representational system. It’s about taking a step back, understanding the person you’re communicating with, and adapting your style to theirs.
Doing this isn’t always easy. It requires practice, patience, and more practice. You need to have a genuine willingness to understand the other person and to adapt your style. The results: improved understanding, less conflict, and more meaningful connections. They will seem amazing and make the effort well worth it.
It’s also important to remember that while we all have a dominant representational system, we can use all four. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of ‘activating’ a less dominant system. For example, a highly visual person can understand auditory language by ‘tuning in’ to it. This is what you needed to do. You start to listen to sounds more. Listen to an orchestra to hear the different sounds and learn about tone, timbre, pitch and volume.
When you activate one of the representational systems that is not dominant you will find you lack a vocabulary for that system. To be more auditory, we needed to learn what auditory terms meant. This builds your knowledge and vocabulary. Next, have experiences where you can use these terms. This builds your neurology with the new terms so you can better describe using your non-dominant representational system.
To improve your kinesthetic system, learn about and practice emotional intelligence. This area has grown over the last 20 years. There are many questionnaires you can complete to find out your emotional intelligence level. Knowing what it is will identify areas for improvement.
For the Auditory Digital system, it can be more difficult as it is a system that education has not focused on. Learning to analyse an event will assist you in building your knowledge and skills.
Learning to use all the representational systems is very beneficial to bridging the gap of misunderstanding and conflict.
Think of it like adjusting a radio. Your ‘frequency’ might be tuned to a visual channel, but with a little adjustment, you can pick up auditory, kinesthetic, or even auditory digital signals. It’s all about flexibility and adaptability.
To practice this skill, try this exercise: The next time you’re communicating with someone, observe their language and behaviour. Identify their dominant representational system and adjust your language to match theirs. It may feel strange at first, but with practice, you’ll find it becomes more natural and intuitive.
Remember, the key to effective communication isn’t about forcing others to understand you, it’s about making the effort to understand them. By bridging the gap and overcoming misunderstandings, we can transform our interactions and enhance our relationships.
Stay tuned next we will explore even more strategies for successful communication using NLP representational systems.
Section 5 – Transformative Interactions: Enhancing Communication with NLP
Chapter 18 – Why NLP Representational Systems are Your Secret Communication Tool
So far, you’ve learned about the different NLP representational systems and how they influence communication. You’ve also learned how to identify these systems in yourself and others to bridge the gaps in understanding each other.
In this chapter, we’re going a step further. We’re not just bridging gaps—we’re actively enhancing communication skills by consciously leveraging these systems. The aim is to go from being ‘good’ communicators to ‘great’ communicators.
What does it mean to be a ‘great’ communicator? It’s more than conveying information clearly. It’s about engaging your audience, inspiring action, building meaningful connections and understanding your audience so profoundly that you can almost predict their thoughts and reactions.
NLP representational systems are your secret weapon in your communication journey. They offer a roadmap to your audience’s minds, guiding you to tailor your communication to fit their preferred way of processing information.
Most people do not know the NLP representational systems. Even teachers are not sure about them. Teachers are taught to use visuals, speak about ideas, and do hands-on activities. This is all. They have not heard about using the NLP representational systems in communicating with friends and family, in work meetings, in training, or in coaching.
Imagine you’re delivering a workshop or presentation at a work meeting to a diverse group of participants. As a master communicator, you’d use a balanced mix of visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and auditory digital language to cater to all types of learners in the room.
It’s not just about the words you use; it’s also about the non-verbal cues. Visual learners might appreciate colourful slides or diagrams. Auditory learners might benefit from changes in their tone or pace of speech. Kinesthetic learners could benefit from hands-on activities, while auditory digital learners may appreciate a logical and organised presentation.
Let’s explore how you would do this in a bit more detail!
For the visuals in the room, paint a picture of what you want to say. Use slides, pictures, or images to provide them with what you want them to see in their world. Use words and phrases like describing a picture. Make sure you include the audience in your picture so they can know how your ideas fit or what they can do with them.
For the auditories learners, use your voice in ways to highlight the important parts of your ideas. Your volume increases when you want people to be excited about your words. Or you may whisper some ideas like they are a secret, and you are bringing the audience into your private world.
You can involve the kinesthetics by checking how they are feeling about what you are saying and using feeling words to help them feel safe, included, and motivated. Have them complete a tactile activity where they can ‘touch’ your ideas.
You need to explain to your auditory digitals what criteria the ideas are based on and how they can use your ideas to solve problems. It is like you are the encouraging voice in their heads.
Beyond a group setting, these techniques can enhance one-on-one interactions as well. Identifying your mentee’s dominant system can guide your approach in coaching or mentoring scenarios. Are they visual? Use metaphors and vivid descriptions. Are they kinesthetic? Involve them in practical activities. Are they auditory digital? Guide them through reasoning and self-reflection.
The key is flexibility and adaptability. Your preferred system shouldn’t limit your communication style. Instead, it should be a tool that enables you to connect with others more effectively, regardless of their dominant system.
But remember, becoming a master communicator isn’t an overnight process. It requires practice, self-reflection, and an open mind. Start with small changes—adjust your language in a meeting or try a different teaching technique in your next workshop. Observe the results, adjust your approach, and keep learning.
NLP representational systems are not just a lens to understand our thought processes—they’re a powerful toolkit that can transform our interactions and relationships. When wielded correctly, they truly can be your secret weapon in communication.
Chapter 19 – Creating an Impact in Training: Communication Enhancement with NLP
Training environments are dynamic and challenging. You face a diverse audience with unique learning styles and preferences. The question is, how can you communicate effectively when there is such a diverse group of people in the environment? The secret is understanding and leveraging the power of NLP representational systems as four pillars.
Let’s begin by understanding the essence of training. What is the goal? Is it just imparting knowledge? Well, that’s a part of it, but truly effective training inspires change—it leads to new understandings, sparks new behaviours, and empowers individuals to apply what they’ve learned.
To achieve this level of impact, trainers need to do more than just deliver content. They need to connect with their students on a deeper level, facilitating an environment where they are actively engaged in learning. This is where NLP representational systems come into play.
Of course, you remember the four pillars of NLP representational systems—visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and auditory digital. Each system corresponds to a different way of perceiving and processing information. By integrating these systems into your training, you can reach every type of learner in the room.
Consider an example of training in a project management session. Visual learners would benefit from diagrams that depict project timelines or flowcharts illustrating the project management process. Auditory learners, on the other hand, might benefit more from a group discussion or a podcast-style delivery.
But what about kinesthetic and auditory digital learners? For the kinesthetic learners, you might incorporate a workshop-style segment where they can get their hands dirty with mock project scenarios. And for your auditory digital learners, a detailed and logically structured presentation or a handout would do wonders.
Creating an effective blend of these systems, however, requires some finesse. It’s not enough to just add a few diagrams for your visual learners or to throw in some hands-on activities for your kinesthetic learners. You must weave these elements together seamlessly to ensure the training flows smoothly and naturally.
Be flexible and observant. Pay attention to your students’ reactions and engagement. Are they losing interest during a long auditory segment? Break it up with a visual aid or a quick kinesthetic activity. Are they confused by a complex diagram? Slow down and explain it in a more auditory or auditory-digital way.
Also, consider the language you’re using. Are you only using visual language, such as ‘see what I mean,’ or ‘let’s look at this’? Try incorporating more auditory or kinesthetic language. Speak about ‘hearing’ the point or ‘grasping’ the idea. This subtle language shift can significantly enhance understanding and retention among your trainees.
Developing the skills of using the four pillars of the NLP representational systems so that they become a solid base for you to stand on means you need to practice using them and listening to learners’ feedback. With the different representational systems in the group, remember that people may misunderstand you, may not like how you say it or may think you are not making them feel good. All of this is feedback to let you know that you are progressing in understanding the four pillars.
Just knowing this feedback puts you ahead of most trainers. Use your Auditory Digital system to analyse the feedback and make sense of what to change or modify. If you need to, find another person who can do this with you, such as an auditory digital thinker. Besides building a good relationship with them, you can learn from their advice and learn to do this yourself.
Being a successful trainer isn’t just about what you teach but how you teach it. By understanding and leveraging the NLP representational systems, you can deliver impactful training that resonates with everyone in the room.
Chapter 20 – The Coaching Game Changer: Optimizing Communication with NLP
Are you ready to transform your coaching skills?
Whether personal, executive or performance coaching, coaching revolves around communication. It’s about enabling individuals to discover their potential, overcome obstacles, and achieve their goals. But how can we do that most effectively? You guessed it—through understanding and applying NLP representational systems.
Before we dive into how NLP can revolutionise your coaching, let’s clarify the essence of coaching. At its core, coaching is a partnership—a shared journey of discovery and growth. Your goal as a coach isn’t to dictate answers but to guide your clients towards finding their own. You can provide help, support, and ideas for them to learn, but they need to apply and do them.
And what is the key to guiding them effectively? Speaking their language and understanding how they perceive and process information. This is where the NLP representational systems, visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and auditory digital, become invaluable.
Let’s imagine you’re coaching a strong visual learner client. They think in pictures; they remember in images. How might you adapt your coaching strategy? You might use metaphors, draw diagrams, or encourage them to visualise their goals. These techniques speak directly to their primary representational system, enhancing their understanding and engagement.
What about if your client is predominantly an auditory learner? In this case, you’d want to focus on verbal dialogue, perhaps use storytelling or engage in detailed discussions. Listening to their language patterns can also give you valuable insights into their thought processes and emotional states.
For kinesthetic learners, it’s all about the ‘feel’ of things. They value experiences and physical sensations. In your coaching sessions, you might incorporate more experiential activities, encouraging them to ‘feel’ through problems or ‘touch’ upon their goals. These tactile expressions will resonate strongly with them.
For your auditory digital clients, they think in a very logical, step-by-step manner. They’ll appreciate a structured, systematic approach, being given the criteria of what you expect from them, as well as providing resources that are more list-based strategies or infographics to show the structure to follow.
Remember, people are complex. They don’t fit neatly into one box or another. Most individuals use a blend of these systems, shifting between them based on the context. So, flexibility is key. Observe your clients, listen to their language, pay attention to their non-verbal cues, and adapt your strategies accordingly.
Effective coaching with NLP also extends beyond the coaching sessions. It’s about empowering your clients to understand their NLP representational systems, helping them leverage this understanding in their everyday lives. This self-awareness and adaptability are the ultimate gifts you can give your clients as a coach.
Have them complete the NLP representational systems questionnaire. Go through the different representational systems with them so they can appreciate what you are doing. If they show interest, they can learn about the NLP representational systems.
So, there we have it: how NLP representational systems can be the game-changer in your coaching practice. As we wrap up this chapter, I encourage you to reflect on your coaching style. Are you considering your clients’ representational systems? Could you be doing more? And remember, your journey into NLP and coaching is just beginning.
Chapter 21 – Cultivating Powerful Relationships: Everyday Communication Mastery
Relationships, whether personal or professional, are the cornerstone of our lives. They provide support, challenge us, and contribute to our growth. At the heart of every successful relationship is effective communication. Let’s explore how NLP representational systems can take your communication and relationships to a new level.
Let’s set the stage by understanding the essential ingredients of a healthy relationship: trust, understanding, empathy, and mutual respect. Can you see how each of these elements is deeply intertwined with communication? They’re all anchored in the ability to truly understand and connect.
Enter NLP representational systems. By understanding whether someone is primarily a visual, auditory, kinesthetic, or auditory digital communicator, you can tailor your communication to their style, fostering deeper understanding and connection.
Picture this: You’re a visual communicator, while your partner is predominantly kinesthetic. When discussing your future, you might say, ‘Do you see what I mean?’ However, they might not ‘see’ it but ‘feel’ it. A simple tweak to ‘Does that feel right to you?’ can make a world of difference in fostering understanding.
In the professional realm, this can be just as transformative. For example, if you’re managing a team member who is a strong auditory digital communicator, you might find that providing clear, logical, verbal instructions resonates far more than a visual diagram or hands-on training.
But how do you determine someone’s dominant NLP system? Recall the clues from our earlier lessons: Listen to their language, observe their non-verbal cues, and even notice their behaviours and preferences. It’s like being a communication detective, piecing together the puzzle of how someone thinks and communicates. If you feel comfortable, you can ask them to complete the questionnaire.
Remember, NLP isn’t about pigeonholing people into categories. It’s about gaining insights into their communication style and adapting accordingly. It’s about respect. Respecting their unique perspective and doing your best to meet them where they are.
Using NLP representational systems in your relationships also opens the door to empathetic communication. By understanding someone’s preferred system, you can better understand their feelings, reactions, and thought processes. This empathy strengthens your connection, creating a solid foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Remember that relationships are two-way streets. While you work to understand and adapt to the other person’s NLP system, invite them to understand yours as well. Share your insights about NLP and encourage them to identify and use your preferred system. This mutual effort can enhance your communication even further.
The power of NLP representational systems to cultivate powerful, meaningful relationships. We invite you to reflect on your relationships. How can understanding NLP systems improve your communication?
Chapter 22 – Recap and Development for the Future
Coming to the end of this eBook, It is useful to review what has been covered in each of the sections.
Section 1 explored how you communicate with yourself and others. It introduced the NLP representational system to understand why our communication may be harmonious or in conflict.
Section 2 demystified the NLP Representational Systems as we went through each in detail. This was about examining the four pillars of the representational systems:
- Visualizing Success: The Power of Sight
- The Symphony of Life: Understanding your Auditory system
- Feeling Your Way to Success: Embracing the Kinesthetic Approach
- The Subtle Navigator: our Auditory Digital System
If you need clarification on any of these, review the sections. Repetition is a great way to build understanding.
Section 3 explored how to uncover your communication styles and that of others. The ways to find out the styles are:
- Listening to the Word Patterns, the linguistic indicators of NLP representational systems.
- Reading between the lines by observing the head and eye direction clues and
- Discovering Your NLP Map by using a more formal Representational Systems Questionnaire.
As you practice listening for the words and phrases, you become more familiar in determining the representational systems unconsciously while communicating with others.
If a person is interested in learning their representational system, use the questionnaire to assist you and the other person.
Section 4, Speak their language, was about using the NLP Representational Systems to improve communication. It covered:
- How NLP Representational Systems are the cornerstone of effective communication.
- Understanding how best friends communicate.
- How to go from clash to harmony by understanding conflict through the four pillars of the NLP representational system
- What to do to bridge the gap to overcome communication misunderstandings.
Section 5, is about the transformative Interactions that you can do to enhance your communication with NLP Representational Systems in:
- Training,
- Coaching and
- Relationships.
You can expand your knowledge and skills with each these areas through practice and reviewing section 2 on how each of the four pillars are different. With each of the areas you can use:
- The training ideas with two or more people.
- The coaching ideas when you are with one person.
- The relationship ideas in any area of life where you want to improve your connection.
Knowing your representational systems and how to recognise them in others takes practice. The best way to practice is to choose when to talk to another person and look for only one representational system. For example, see how much they do visually and how much time they spend on the other representational systems rather than visuals. You listen for the words and phrases they use. Once you are used to the visual representational systems, move on to one of the other three.
Again, if the person is willing, you can have them complete the questionnaire. Do this after you have checked their representational systems through observing and listening. The questionnaire will help you determine your accuracy and what area may have differed from what you noticed.
As you build your expertise with the representational systems, you can move to the next stage. This is to choose which representational systems you will use in a specific situation. Once you know the system the other person uses, you can match it and be like friends.
Alternatively, you may use a different representational system to the other person when you want to help them make changes. This can be the case when you’re teaching or coaching another person.
Finally, as you build your expertise, celebrate and recognise the achievements you are making. They may seem small at first, and you may seem to be going backward in what you are learning. However, as I know from having taught many people about NLP representational systems, it is about persistence, not perfection.
To keep improving, you can find a buddy who will work with you. If you both do the eBook, you can encourage, practice and work with each other. This helps you be motivated and keep going no matter what results you achieve.
You see, having a buddy will improve your communication. Just having someone to focus with will help. So have fun, play with it, and celebrate your successes.
About the Author
David Donahoo
NLP gave me the freedom to do what I love to do. As an NLP Trainer and an IT Trainer, I learned how we think and learn differently. Discovering the NLP representational system made a significant impact on my life and my career. I had previously thought everyone was thinking the same as me. How wrong I was. No wonder I had problems with communication. That all changed with Hypnotherapy and NLP.
I started out coaching with Hypnotherapy and then incorporated NLP. I was assisting those with anxiety and phobias like I had overcome with Hypnosis and NLP. I had success but felt like I needed to do more.
I moved into training Hypnotherapy students, which was enjoyable and lit me up. I then moved into my own business and taught NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner. Seeing the changes in the students’ lives was mind-blowing. I expanded my training qualification into the Australian Vocational and Educational Training area (VET). I trained people in Certificate IV and Diploma of Training and Education. I used many of the NLP techniques in this training and found that the students became trainers in their fields of expertise.
Having worked in the information technology area for many years, I combined that with training, and I now have employees who are trained in the IT systems they use daily.
I encourage you to become trained in NLP. It is life transformational.
One Last Thing…
If you enjoyed this eBook series and found it helpful, I’d be very grateful if you could post a review on what you learned from it.
Thanks again for your support!